apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
