The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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