my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
