Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
