im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
