Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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