Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
