Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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