Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
