She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Holy sore nipples Batman
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
