We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
