i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
