yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
