laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
