wanna go halves on a baby?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
