I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
