You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
