hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
