): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
