Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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