the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
