its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
