Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
