Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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