hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
