I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
