i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just invented taco cereal.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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