My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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