I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
