You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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