she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
