are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
