Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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