cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
