woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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