Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
