just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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