You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
