do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
