Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
