These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
