I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
