My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize