I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
