i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
