3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
