shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
