I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize