Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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