i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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