Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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