who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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