when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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