My friends, they love my intelligence
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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