I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
