i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
