Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
