He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
