If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
