I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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