This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
