No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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