She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
