Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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