Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
