I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am available for nakedness
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
