Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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