I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
