Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
