Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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