Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
