Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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