I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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