If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
