dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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