names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
