she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
