He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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