i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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