He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
