Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
