Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
