it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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