i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
