My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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