I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
