I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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