I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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