either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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