dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
