Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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