you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
