So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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