Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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