i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
