Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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