No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
