turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
