I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Its about making memories worth repressing
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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