so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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