Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
