I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
