I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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