I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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