Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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