Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
