honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
