I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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